I don’t know if any of you are aware of this, but there is quite an important election approaching in the US of America. The media are keeping quiet about it but I managed to get the scoop. Apparently there is a guy called Derek Obama who seems to be the answer to all the world’s problems. He’s clever, has sensible sounding policies and seems like a good guy. Of course he’ll probably end up being the US version of Tony Blair i.e. just another smooth-talking careerist politician. Except he won’t get in because his name sounds vaguely Muslim and the landlocked bits of America wouldn’t stand for that even if he was white.

And then there’s this other guy, McBain, who was in ‘Nam but he doesn’t like to talk about it (YOU WEREN’T THERE, MAN!). He’s 94 years old and needs helping out of the bath by his gun-toting, rabidly right-wing nurse, Sarah Palin. Her MySpace page lists her likes as “Killing, judging, lipstick, drilling for oil, Keeping America SafeTM and Jesus” and her dislikes as “Science, logic, kindness, the environment, homosexuals and that scrote who pregged-up my daughter”.

I hope Derek Obama wins; allow me to explain why.

Firstly, on a selfish level, I don’t live in the USA and my chances of being bombed to death would be greatly reduced if Obama was in charge.

Secondly, the Daily Kos reported on this example of punctuation butchery in McCain’s campaign store.
Student's for McCain
Pass me the bamboo skewers, that wrinkly bastard is about to have a very realistic flashback.