I’ve lived in the North East of England for nearly eight years, and at some point in the last four or five, I began to notice what I assumed to be a quaint dialectical turn of phrase. Let me give you an example:

Tom: “Two sausage rolls and a steak bake, please.”
Greggs member of staff: “That’s seven pence please, pet.”
Tom: “Here you go: the exact change.”

Greggs member of staff: “Thanks now.”

Erm, I’m sorry? Thanks now? Why explicitly thank me now? Is there a regional need for temporal clarity and has it embarrassingly passed me by? Should I thank someone later or earlier in certain social circumstances?

It got worse.

Tom: “Thanks a lot, have a good evening.”
Taxi driver: “Bye now.”

It got worse.

Tom: “Cheers.”
Newsagent: “See you later now.”

What was this gibberish? At first, my tolerance of provincial backwaters and my young, naive mind caused me to assume that I was dealing with a North Eastern quirk; one which sat comfortably alongside the more familiar Geordie cliches (‘pet’, ‘howay’ and ‘we’re a massive club, ye naa’*).

But then, on the subsequent occasions when I journeyed south, to Manchester, to London, a harrowing realisation dawned. I was shocked, appalled, repelled. This vile turn of phrase was everywhere. This was no regional linguistic nuance. This was a plague.

It got worse.

Tom: “Just this bottle of wine please.”
Attractive (but thick) shop assistant: “That’s £4.99 there.”
Tom: “Here you go.”
Attractive (but thick) shop assistant: “That’s a penny change there.”
Tom: “Bye now.”

I don’t understand this here. It’s some sort of fear of the plain sentence now. It’s as though the user wants to avoid appearing curt, and feels the need to drop a meaningless positional or temporal adverb in to soften their impact there.

If you hear it, correct it.

*A joke which will only be understood by UK readers.