I had the misfortune (or stupidity, your call) to dislocate my shoulder over the weekend. I took the opportunity to peruse the walls of Newcastle General Hospital’s A&E Waiting Room. All patients in A&E are given a category numbered one to four; category one is for patients with life threatening conditions, while category four is the hammered moron who has yet to realise that A&E is not a toilet. To my disgust, there were glaring errors, both syntactically and semantically in categories 1 and 4. Allow me, if you will, to share the details:

Category 1
These patients are requiring immediate treatment as their life is, or has the potential to be life threatening. These patients are seen first.

Good to know that those patients whose life (not condition) is life threatening, are seen first. Essentially what you’re telling me, then, Newcastle General Hospital A&E Waiting Room, is that psychopaths are seen first. Or at least the potential ones. I see no problem there. I felt distinctly Category 1 after reading the description.

Category 4
These patients are well enough or have minor injuries which will wait in turn to see the doctor until all the above mentioned categories have been dealt with.

Since when have injuries had to wait in turn to see the doctor? Surely it would be a good idea to deal with the patients in a given category rather than the categories themselves.

Clearly the descriptions of categories 1 and 4 were written by the mentally incapable.